Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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