It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
