My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
