Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
