Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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