Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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