great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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