Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
