He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
