you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
