In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
