I'm gonna have a badass scar
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
