I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
