U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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