my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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