Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
