Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
