She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
