Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize