Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
