guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
