We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your cock deserves a montage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
