Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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