why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
