he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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