one might say we're banned from that church
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
