If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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