I am in a vortex of obligation.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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