I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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