If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
