My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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