some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
