pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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