Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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