Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
