she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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