He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
