My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
