Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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