They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
