I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
