puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
