drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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