jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
