You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
