This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
