Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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