You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
