Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
