I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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