fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
