DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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