I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We left the knife in your bed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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