I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
