some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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