if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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