I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
