i jhust puked up my retainher.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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