You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
