If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
