I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
