Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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