im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize