You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
