Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
