I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
