had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
