420 ftw
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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