so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
