yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
