Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
